feeling

what am i feeling... right now i am feeling ok, just ok, the sun is shining and i am typing in my blog for the first time in 2 months. i cut the rest of the grass this morning, went to the eye doctor and got my contacts checked and eyes dialated. that was not fun. if you have never gotten your eyes dialated~ when you see the light its painful. i do not want to do that again. eyes are ok, just checking because dad had macular degeneration and mom had cataracts. i am ok now.

wondering if i should go to the meeting tomorrow. i will feel uncomfortable.
wondering if i will be uncomfortable at the party this weekend. i am so glad that mike and jeff are still ok. A and i are still on the outskirts of friendship. it is not what i want, i want it back like it used to be and i dont know how to fix it. am i being ridiculous for not trying to make it work or selfish that i dont want to put in the effort?? dont know... i guess i will be myself and see what happens. i am a caring person that does not like conflict. conflict bothers me and makes my skin crawl. i will just be myself and meditate on it....