It is like it is

Whenever i feel like writing i just write. I like the sound of the keys typing, and don't want to stop. Right now i am just trying to type for 10 minutes straight to see where my thoughts take me, so here I am and I'm just thinking and thinking and maybe I should do something crazy out of the blue . I really feel like it and havent done it for a long time> ive been having panic attacks recently and i feel like i am going out of my mind. When i went to sleep last night i laid there and couldnt breathe. Mike tried to calm me by rubbing my chest and it did calm me but then i started breathing shallow and next thing i knew was mike was checking my pulse to see if i was OK. I ended up laughing out loud because it was so sweet for him to be concerned. I know I am loved and he doesnt like to see me upset which is what i
have been lately. I am letting go of a friend who doesnt want to be friends anymore. Thats OK.
Today I did something really stupid. I took my sons Epipen and tried to empty it but it shot into my thumb and now my thumb is numb. I held it up to the other thumb and there is no color, only white, what a trip that is, so now I am tryint to type with a numb thumb. I am wondering if i need to be concerned, maybe i should put it in warm water to try to get the circulation back. or take a bath like i have for the past two nights to try to get over a cold.
You would think with all this typing there would be some circulation back in my thumb...